What They Should Have Said

A little bit of what they should have said. A little bit of what I would have said. Some specific characters. Some general… Mainly me procrastinating on my other writing 🙂

Heroine: I think you should know I am not interested in a romantic relationship.

Love Interest: Your thoughts will change by the end of our adventure.

Heroine: Eh, no they won’t. But I need you around in case we need a sacrifice so I’ll play along.

***

Ned Stark: Cat, there’s something I need to tell you about Jon. About who he really is… It might come in handy in the future. It might also appease some of your jealousy.

Everyone: No!

Theon: Why is everyone yelling at me? I haven’t done anything yet.

Everyone: Whatever you are thinking about Theon Greyjoy… do the exact opposite.

***

Heroine: Are you ever going to tell me the truth about my father?

Mother: I think he was a Demon.

Heroine: What?

Mother: Or a bad fairy or an evil warlock or possibly a fallen God. Definitely bad though and if I ever disappear one day that’s probably why.

Heroine (Shocked.): Is this a joke?

Mother: Don’t judge me! I was in love… and be careful who you sleep with.

***

Spiritual Guide: You’re the Chosen One you must come with us to save the Universe.

Chosen One: Yeah, that’s not going to work. I can’t exactly call in sick and say oh, I’m the chosen one got to go save the universe. Bye!

Spiritual Guide: But the universe needs you…

Chosen One: The universe needs to manifest money in my bank account for books, food and rent. Then we can talk.

***

Dumbledore: Harry you’ve proven yourself brave and loyal. There’s something I need to tell you.

Harry: About why Voldemort hunts me? About what happened to my parents?  Why I can talk to snakes? Why you left me to the Dursley’s? Why you keep Snape at the school? Why you have some really questionable hiring practices?

Dumbledore: I’ll write a note to your teachers. This is going to be a long talk.

***

Evil Queen: Mirror, mirror on the wall show me the Paris collections. I need a dress for the ball.

Prince Charming: The clock struck midnight and she ran from me! It was so very confusing. I thought she was into me!

Captain: Maybe she had digestive troubles.

Prince: You think?

Captain: Or maybe your breath…

Prince: What?

Captain: Nothing my Prince, nothing!

***

Main Character: (Shouting at the sky.) Do you really think this needs to be a series? I think I can kill the evil King in one book! Anything else makes me look kind of incompetent.

Sidekick: Who are you talking to?

Main Character: Never mind.

***

Amren: Can you get me out of here? Anymore of this lovey- dovey crap I’m going to lose it and start tearing off wings!

Lucien: Aren’t you loyal to Rhysand?

Amren: He’s practically a puppy at this point. She’s got him house-trained.

Lucien: Lets go then!

***

Rhysand: Was that the greatest sex of our lives? I mean much better than five minutes ago! We just keep topping ourselves!

Feyre: Actually I think you’re starting to bore me.

Rhysand: What?

Feyre: Well there has to me more to this mating bond than sex right?

***

Mirror: Maybe you want to try some alternatives before killing the nice Princess? I know a guy in Hollywood calls himself the King of Botox.

Evil Queen: A King?

Mirror: There we go!

Little Mermaid: Are you crazy? I’m not going to give up the most important things I have- the things that make me who I am to go live with some ridiculous mortal!

Ursula: Huh?

Little Mermaid: I’m going to kidnap him and make him live amongst us!

Ursula: There’s hope for you yet.