What They Should Have Said

buffy from hush

A little bit of what they should have said. A little bit of what I would have said. Some specific characters. Some general… Mainly me procrastinating on my other writing 🙂

Heroine: I think you should know I am not interested in a romantic relationship.

Love Interest: Your thoughts will change by the end of our adventure.

Heroine: Eh, no they won’t. But I need you around in case we need a sacrifice so I’ll play along.

***

Ned Stark: Cat, there’s something I need to tell you about Jon. About who he really is… It might come in handy in the future. It might also appease some of your jealousy.

game of thrones

Everyone: No!

Theon: Why is everyone yelling at me? I haven’t done anything yet.

Everyone: Whatever you are thinking about Theon Greyjoy… do the exact opposite.

***

Heroine: Are you ever going to tell me the truth about my father?

Mother: I think he was a Demon.

Heroine: What?

Mother: Or a bad fairy or an evil warlock or possibly a fallen God. Definitely bad though and if I ever disappear one day that’s probably why.

Heroine (Shocked.): Is this a joke?

Mother: Don’t judge me! I was in love… and be careful who you sleep with.

***

Spiritual Guide: You’re the Chosen One you must come with us to save the Universe.

Chosen One: Yeah, that’s not going to work. I can’t exactly call in sick and say oh, I’m the chosen one got to go save the universe. Bye!

Spiritual Guide: But the universe needs you…

Chosen One: The universe needs to manifest money in my bank account for books, food and rent. Then we can talk.

***

Dumbledore

Dumbledore: Harry you’ve proven yourself brave and loyal. There’s something I need to tell you.

Harry: About why Voldemort hunts me? About what happened to my parents?  Why I can talk to snakes? Why you left me to the Dursley’s? Why you keep Snape at the school? Why you have some really questionable hiring practices?

Dumbledore: I’ll write a note to your teachers. This is going to be a long talk.

***

Evil Queen: Mirror, mirror on the wall show me the Paris collections. I need a dress for the ball.

charming and captain

Prince Charming: The clock struck midnight and she ran from me! It was so very confusing. I thought she was into me!

Captain: Maybe she had digestive troubles.

Prince: You think?

Captain: Or maybe your breath…

Prince: What?

Captain: Nothing my Prince, nothing!

***

Main Character: (Shouting at the sky.) Do you really think this needs to be a series? I think I can kill the evil King in one book! Anything else makes me look kind of incompetent.

Sidekick: Who are you talking to?

Main Character: Never mind.

***

a court of wings and ruin

Amren: Can you get me out of here? Anymore of this lovey- dovey crap I’m going to lose it and start tearing off wings!

Lucien: Aren’t you loyal to Rhysand?

Amren: He’s practically a puppy at this point. She’s got him house-trained.

Lucien: Lets go then!

***

Rhysand: Was that the greatest sex of our lives? I mean much better than five minutes ago! We just keep topping ourselves!

Feyre: Actually I think you’re starting to bore me.

Rhysand: What?

Feyre: Well there has to me more to this mating bond than sex right?

***

mirror and regina

Mirror: Maybe you want to try some alternatives before killing the nice Princess? I know a guy in Hollywood calls himself the King of Botox.

Evil Queen: A King?

Mirror: There we go!

Ariel

Little Mermaid: Are you crazy? I’m not going to give up the most important things I have- the things that make me who I am to go live with some ridiculous mortal!

Ursula: Huh?

Little Mermaid: I’m going to kidnap him and make him live amongst us!

Ursula: There’s hope for you yet.

 

11 thoughts on “What They Should Have Said

  1. Oh my gosh this is awesome. Love the Main character one. Chosen One too. Makes me think of Han solo needing a little financial inducement to rescue Leia (I know he’s not a chosen one but that popped into my head when I read that). 🙂

    And Ned/ Cat- man if there was ever a case to be made for marital communication (!!) that might be it? Imagine all the stuff in A Song of Ice and Fire that could be avoided through (honest) communication…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right? I know people have a million theories about what she would have done if she had known (usually people who don’t like Cat) but I think it would have been so much different! I mean regardless even if Cat knew the truth no way she could have proven it on a large scale. Ah, so many Thrones theories!

      Like

  2. klkranesya

    This are hilarious and awesome! Love them! My favorite might be the chosen one. Made me laugh because I’m re-watching Buffy with my 13-year-old daughter and at one point she was like, where does she get her money for a house and food? So hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

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